You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
