How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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