Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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