As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
