i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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