I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
