Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
