fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just puked most of my soul out..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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