Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
