my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
