Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
