True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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