So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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