Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
