Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
