are you still at the devil's house?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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