yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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