my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
