I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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