You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
