I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
