i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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