Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
