so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
