What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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