I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
