plz talk dirty to me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
