I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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