uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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