I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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