I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
