it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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