i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
