so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
