He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
