My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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