new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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