YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
