o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I should be sponsored by Trojan
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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