Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
