I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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