Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What a dumb baby whore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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