In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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