I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
