she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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