census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
