Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
