he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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