Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
