Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
